Born to Win??

So I’ll skip the usual, “oh, it’s been so long” bit cuz it obviously has been and I can’t seem to do anything about that.  BUT–I’m glad to bring you today’s post which is just a little something that’s been mulling around in the ol’ noggin and that is, Are some people just BORN to WIN???  I ask this because you all know that for YEARS I have been trying to reach my Memorial Day bikini goal and every year I get closer, but I have yet to get THERE.  Now I will say that this year I’m not totally disgusted with myself in a bikini but unless some dramatic changes unfold in the next 4 weeks it may be another bikini-less Memorial Day for me. 😦

So my question comes about because honestly, I really do try VERY hard and really…I workout ALL THE TIME!!  Do I know why I fall short of my goal every year? YES!! I DO!!  It comes down to the fact that I EAT TOO MUCH!!  I am addicted to caffeine and carbs and all things baked with sugar and I SIMPLY CANNOT RESIST these things.  If they are near, they will be eaten.  Now, it is true that this is controllable in that all I have to do is NOT BUY these items, which really, I rarely do.  I mean, I don’t want my family gorging out on processed junk any more than I want to, BUT, it seems there is ALWAYS an OCCASION of some sort to deal with.  Holidays, birthdays, celebrations, get-togethers, date night, whatever–  I CANNOT ESCAPE the lure of cake and candy and coffee.  I WANT TO, I REALLY DO–but it’s so hard!!  And while for me this is an incredible struggle, others can easily pass on the sweet stuff but cannot get their butts off the couch to exercise, which as you know is SO not my problem.  I really LOVE exercising.  Then there’s that person, who can just DO it, and STICK TO IT, and never look back and just gets hotter and hotter in their bikini every year.  WHY AM I NOT THAT PERSON???  Really, were they just BORN with more of the determination gene than I have?

I have always been a quitter. It’s sad, but true.  In middle school I quit band.  Senior high school I quit cheerleading. And once, after going out for track and making the team, I even quit a RACE–then, I quit track too.  I never really had a lot of support for any of these endeavors.  I had to bum rides from practices and all that so sometimes it just seemed easier to quit.  I didn’t quit too many jobs though.  Just waitressing in college, which trust me, was a good decision–for the customers and especially management, if not for me.  I’m not afraid of hard work at all.  I’m not afraid to challenge myself and do new things.  I just don’t have that extra “oomph” that really successful, determined people have.  That really and truly NEVER EVER QUIT attitude that separates the men from the boys you  know?  Yes I know I’m a woman but you know what I mean.  Like, I REALLY want great abs, but ab exercises are uncomfortable and all the science says it’s really a matter of burning fat all over the body, not just working the abs so crunches are unnecessary anyways. Right??

See, that’s where I think I get myself.  I can rationalize just about ANYTHING.  I’m so gullible when I’m talking to myself.  I’ll say to myself, “Self, you’ve done enough.  I mean, who else has done all this today?” and then, I’ll quit.  Or sometimes, it’s, “Self, you can have that one sliver of cake.  Just a little and then you’ll have satisfied the craving and you can stop and walk away.” The problem with that is, eating is the one thing I DO NOT QUIT!!  I’m not a moderation kinda girl.  I can’t do the “one little bite” thing.  If I have a bite of cake, I will eat the WHOLE cake.  Please, somebody help me.

I guess I fall into the category of what you would call, a binge-eater.  I mean, not the bulimic barf it all up kind.  But the, kind who doesn’t indulge for  a while and then, BAM! I’ve eaten a bag of chips and a box of twinkies.  I read an article recently about my type of binge eating wherein it stated that this habit comes from not having a real “appreciation” for food and nutrition.  Rather than savor the flavor, my type usually inhales food quickly-either out of guilt or because it’s being done in secret.  Now I will say that there was a time that I would “secretly” binge, but I convinced myself that it was more of a “me” time reward I had earned.  So when the kids were in bed and the hubby was out of town, I would indulge in all things baked in sugar.  Now I own it more.  If I go over the edge, I immediately confess it to someone and take responsibility for it. Which I believe is a step in the right direction.

But back to being BORN with more drive and determination.  I mean you see it all over.  I’ll admit that while I am not a great admirer of athletes, I do recognize that while they are grossly overpaid, there is something to be said for the dedication it takes to be a standout professional athlete.  There’s a little girl our family has gotten to know over the years, she’s 11, and let me tell you, nothing but an act of God will stop her from achieving her goal of playing college basketball.  The kid is 11 people.  No one MAKES her get up and run 2 miles, no one MAKES her go to camps and trainings all over the state.  She definitely has a great support system and the advantage of being able to afford a lot of opportunities other kids just can’t, but again, no one MAKES her do these things.  She has an ingrained determination to reach her goals that is impressive at any age, but to see it in an 11-year-old, that just makes me feel bad about myself.  Here is a kid who wants something she won’t even see fruit from for years to come, and yet she puts in work like she has no choice.  And I can’t make myself finish the ab portion of a DVD.  Can we chalk it up to genetics?  Please?

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Born to Win??

  1. Jord

    Hey Mom!!!! Was that me u were writing bout in the last paragraph cuz I’m 12?? JK!!
    Luv u!
    P.S. Can I wear a bikini on Memorial Day??!! LOL! Like I don’t know the answer 2 that one!

  2. Kristen

    Girlfriend……STOP beating yourself up (we all do it as well). You have come a LONG way. And YES…YOU CAN get into that bikini in a few weeks. Just take a look around you and look at the others that are in bikini’s—ummmm YES Jonelle…you definetly have the “Bikini Body”!!! My story sounds alot like yours. One week I’m able to exercise 3-4 times and eat great along with it, then the next week I can’t find time to exercise once and I eat fast food every day(like this week). But we are females and we always beat ourselves up about everything. Why don’t males have to worry about anything???? At least you have no choice when it comes to exercising 4 days a week since it’s your job that you enjoy. So everyday you are accomplishing something and working off that “sweet craving” that you mave have eaten that day. Go ahead and go shopping for that KINI cause you deserve it:)

    P.S. And make sure Jordan gets a Kini also:):):)

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