Say it Ain’t So…

Seriously??? It’s September??  The birthday/ anniversary weekend is over and I’ve now been married for 12 years and am officially 33–is that what’s referred to as “middle-aged?”  I’m just wondering–where has the time gone?  I know I say that all of the time, about how fast the week went or the month, but now I’m like, “Where did the last 12 years go??”  I look at Jordan and sometimes really, I just FREAK OUT!  Where did my baby go?  And who IS this young lady who replaced her?  With the body and the attitude and the humor and all that gorgeousness?  Can’t take it!!  And Avery, who lost the “baby” look years ago I know, but still, I see those long legs and I just want to cry.  She’s been my sidekick for the last seven years, and now, as she finds herself being more comfortable without me I find myself wanting to hold on for dear life and just… pull her back to my bosom and never let go.  I suppose we always knew the day would come but… now that it’s here it’s just sad.

So here’s my list of things I just can’t accept or get over…

1.  Adolescence— I went through it and I know it was bad, but goodness it comes back with a vengeance.  All those little smart-aleck comments I made, the nonchalance, the hair-flipping, the eye-rolling, spin-around like no one’s talking to you–it’s all back,  but after 20 years they’re all new and improved.

2.  Belly-Bulge–Is this really what I get in return for bringing two beautiful girls into this world?  And of course it’s not enough to have a jelly roll belly–but it’s got to be decorated with an elaborate design of stretch marks.  Thanks.  Thanks a lot.

3.  Adult Acne– I mean, what is the deal with this??  Clear skin all my life aside from the occasional pimple (gross word)–survived the teenage years unscathed by blemishes until NOW.  Turn 30 (or 30-something) and suddenly–full-fledged breakouts.  I mean the get on the Proactiv hotline kind of breakouts.  Again–thanks a lot.

4.  Working out daily–even vigourously–does not allow for unlimited calorie intake. I know the rule–“calories in, calories out.”  I have all the tools, the monitors, the menus, the mantras, etc…but somehow–this concept just does not seem to take full register in my brain.  (refer back to #2)

And seriously…

4.  Children may not hear a word you say to them, but they hear everything you say about them. You just try to find a moment to report to another adult on  the kid’s latest shenanigans and see if you can get one minute of privacy.  They’re like gnomes or something, popping out of nowhere, appearing out of thin air.  Then, of course, you need someone to do a chore and the whole household’s disappeared.  Maybe I just have a houseful of magicians in the making.

5.  Children may not hear a word you say to them, but they hear everything you say to their brother or sister. No one in this house ever knows what I told them to do.  Strangely though, they always know what I told someone else to do.  I’m telling you, these are some talented kids.

6.  Children may not hear a word you say to them, but they’ve got their eyes on every move you make. Enough said, we all know it’s true.  Just wait ’til one day your words and actions don’t exactly “line up,”–you’ll hear about it.

And finally, and really seriously…

7.  It is better to be an encourager, rather than a policeman. Something else that seems so easy to understand, and yet SO HARD to actually apply.  Clearly no one responds well to being beat over the head with constant reminders of their faults or mistakes, but that method seems so much easier than -da da duuum–LEADING BY EXAMPLE! I mean, next thing you know you’ll have to practice what you preach and all that. Gasp!!  In faith, in health, in life–it’s clear that people respond to what they see and not so much what they hear.  So then why do I talk so loud?

I’ve got hearing-impaired magicians running around and me struggling with the greater truths in life… all I know is… William’s got to set a good example or we’re doomed!


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