So my question comes about because honestly, I really do try VERY hard and really…I workout ALL THE TIME!!  Do I know why I fall short of my goal every year? YES!! I DO!!  It comes down to the fact that I EAT TOO MUCH!!  I am addicted to caffeine and carbs and all things baked with sugar and I SIMPLY CANNOT RESIST these things.  If they are near, they will be eaten.  Now, it is true that this is controllable in that all I have to do is NOT BUY these items, which really, I rarely do.  I mean, I don’t want my family gorging out on processed junk any more than I want to, BUT, it seems there is ALWAYS an OCCASION of some sort to deal with.  Holidays, birthdays, celebrations, get-togethers, date night, whatever–  I CANNOT ESCAPE the lure of cake and candy and coffee.  I WANT TO, I REALLY DO–but it’s so hard!!  And while for me this is an incredible struggle, others can easily pass on the sweet stuff but cannot get their butts off the couch to exercise, which as you know is SO not my problem.  I really LOVE exercising.  Then there’s that person, who can just DO it, and STICK TO IT, and never look back and just gets hotter and hotter in their bikini every year.  WHY AM I NOT THAT PERSON???  Really, were they just BORN with more of the determination gene than I have?

I have always been a quitter. It’s sad, but true.  In middle school I quit band.  Senior high school I quit cheerleading. And once, after going out for track and making the team, I even quit a RACE–then, I quit track too.  I never really had a lot of support for any of these endeavors.  I had to bum rides from practices and all that so sometimes it just seemed easier to quit.  I didn’t quit too many jobs though.  Just waitressing in college, which trust me, was a good decision–for the customers and especially management, if not for me.  I’m not afraid of hard work at all.  I’m not afraid to challenge myself and do new things.  I just don’t have that extra “oomph” that really successful, determined people have.  That really and truly NEVER EVER QUIT attitude that separates the men from the boys you  know?  Yes I know I’m a woman but you know what I mean.  Like, I REALLY want great abs, but ab exercises are uncomfortable and all the science says it’s really a matter of burning fat all over the body, not just working the abs so crunches are unnecessary anyways. Right??

See, that’s where I think I get myself.  I can rationalize just about ANYTHING.  I’m so gullible when I’m talking to myself.  I’ll say to myself, “Self, you’ve done enough.  I mean, who else has done all this today?” and then, I’ll quit.  Or sometimes, it’s, “Self, you can have that one sliver of cake.  Just a little and then you’ll have satisfied the craving and you can stop and walk away.” The problem with that is, eating is the one thing I DO NOT QUIT!!  I’m not a moderation kinda girl.  I can’t do the “one little bite” thing.  If I have a bite of cake, I will eat the WHOLE cake.  Please, somebody help me.

I guess I fall into the category of what you would call, a binge-eater.  I mean, not the bulimic barf it all up kind.  But the, kind who doesn’t indulge for  a while and then, BAM! I’ve eaten a bag of chips and a box of twinkies.  I read an article recently about my type of binge eating wherein it stated that this habit comes from not having a real “appreciation” for food and nutrition.  Rather than savor the flavor, my type usually inhales food quickly-either out of guilt or because it’s being done in secret.  Now I will say that there was a time that I would “secretly” binge, but I convinced myself that it was more of a “me” time reward I had earned.  So when the kids were in bed and the hubby was out of town, I would indulge in all things baked in sugar.  Now I own it more.  If I go over the edge, I immediately confess it to someone and take responsibility for it. Which I believe is a step in the right direction.

But back to being BORN with more drive and determination.  I mean you see it all over.  I’ll admit that while I am not a great admirer of athletes, I do recognize that while they are grossly overpaid, there is something to be said for the dedication it takes to be a standout professional athlete.  There’s a little girl our family has gotten to know over the years, she’s 11, and let me tell you, nothing but an act of God will stop her from achieving her goal of playing college basketball.  The kid is 11 people.  No one MAKES her get up and run 2 miles, no one MAKES her go to camps and trainings all over the state.  She definitely has a great support system and the advantage of being able to afford a lot of opportunities other kids just can’t, but again, no one MAKES her do these things.  She has an ingrained determination to reach her goals that is impressive at any age, but to see it in an 11-year-old, that just makes me feel bad about myself.  Here is a kid who wants something she won’t even see fruit from for years to come, and yet she puts in work like she has no choice.  And I can’t make myself finish the ab portion of a DVD.  Can we chalk it up to genetics?  Please?

And wanted to share with you my latest quest and conquer–HIP HOP HUSTLE!!! Now this is a mess because I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOT a DANCER!! I mean–I could pick up our little cheerleading choreography back in the day but this–this is different.  BUT–this is FUN!!  So I’m adding it to my repertoire of classes at the Y and am SUPER excited, but also very nervous!  Thankfully I do have some Hip Hop Homies who have been my guinea pigs so it’ll get there!  Here’s a glimpse of what it COULD look like, but not necessarily if I’m teaching it lol!

That’s the nature of new year’s resolutions right?  I have to say I consider it one of the greatest cultural crocks we give in to.  (I know that’s not grammatically correct but I do try to appeal to the masses lol) If you have to wait until a whole new year begins to make some kind of important change then it’s likely you won’t really make the change when that year begins.  People who want to do new things or reach new goals don’t WAIT!!  They get off their butts and DO IT!!  It’ s like waiting for Monday to start a diet, or waiting until you “have it together” to accept Christ.  (That’s a stretchy comparison I know)  But I’m saying, if you wait for the right time to do something, you will waste a lot of usable time in the process.

So what kind of commitments did I make for 2011 you ask?  Well, you know me too well if you said it was fitness related.  Now I do not have a” lose this many pounds, be this certain size” sort of goal.  Mine is just to stay IN IT!!  Just keep going at it daily to get into the best shape of my life.  Get stronger, leaner, faster, have more endurance, and feel everyday like I know I’m doing ALL  I can to make it happen.  So for me, it’s not a 2011 thing.  It’s a “rest of my life for as long as I’m able never gonna quit” kind of thing.  To that end, I’ve gone into the fitness biz!!  Now most of you know I am now a fitness instructor.  That sounds good, huh?  I’ll say it again.  I am a fitness instructor.  That probably brings up some glorified images of six-pack abs and bulging biceps.  Yeah, I’m not THAT fitness instructor.  YET!!  But the goal is to become that fitness instructor.  And so my newest program is …..RevAbs with Brett Hoebel.

I am only three days in and here I was thinking, “Oh yeah, I’m fit, I’m strong.  I’m goin’ straight to Phase TWO baby!! I don’t need to build a fitness foundation.  I HAVE a fitness foundation!!” POP!! There went my bubble.

He is kicking my butt!!  I am sore in places I have not been sore in a long time–and I LOVE IT!!  This pain makes me think–RESULTS!! They’re coming, they’re coming!!  Stick with it!!  Added to the workout I am also partaking of the famous Beachbody Shakeology.  Can I just say–YUMMO!!  Now I tried it over the summer when a coach sent me some samples and it was OK–but I thought I’ve got this plateau in place for like a year now, I gotta do something…so I went for it and am now hooked.  When properly prepared this stuff is GOOOOOOD!!!  And I can really feel the effects like, less hunger and cravings, NO bloating, better regularity, and ENERGY through the roof!  Wanna feel the same way?  I can help you with that too!

I mentioned earlier that I am now in the fitness biz.  You know all those infomercials you see–P90X, Insanity, TurboFire, Slim in 6, Body Gospel to name a few–you can buy them from ME!!  And why would I be selling these items???  Because I’ve tried most of them and they have CHANGED MY LIFE!!  Need I remind you, I am a fitness instructor.  Now how did that happen?? Two Words.. TURBO JAM, and two more… CHALENE JOHNSON!!  Had it never been for that workout I don’t know what I would be doing, but it wouldn’t be teaching fitness classes.  It would probably be more along the lines of perfecting my after-dinner belly rub or making my next excuse for my weight, because…well Avery turns 8 in a couple of months and the “had a baby” excuse does not fly anymore.

So what’s up for me in 2011?? Big stuff people.  Getting fit, helping others get fit, doing my part to overcome the obesity epidemic in America.  Feeling awesome–and this year REALLY–the Memorial Day bikini is a DEFINITE!!  Watch me!!

Maybe you’ve wondered for the last month what I’ve been up to, what could possibly keep me from the delightful pastime of blogging away–well, it’s been a little bit of everything actually.  First, there are of course, the three kids I have.  I know many people have many more kids than that but for me, it takes all I have to remember their names so we’re good with just the 3 thank you.  Also there’s the endless task of homeschooling, which is a privilege that I am thankful for but do not always love–sorry to disappoint those with visions of picnics in the meadows.  Then, shopping.  I cannot believe there was ever a time in life when this was an enjoyable process.  I’m at the point where I just don’t care, throw it in the basket–whatever!!  Just let me get out of here without being arrested for either child abuse or neglect–KIDDING!!!  Relax, people, but really–this has NOT been fun.  Decorating, baking, wrapping gifts, teaching Turbo, band concert, youth group, Kids’ Church, play rehearsal, RE-decorating when the tree fell, you know how it is.  If not, check out the pics.

Honestly though, in the midst of it all, I have truly reflected on the reason for the season.  Praise the Lord that He would come to this fallen world and live as a lowly man, just to give His life that we might know Him as Savior.  Praise His name, He is WORTHY!!  Be blessed this Christmas and always knowing He loves you and is at work in you.   Do you know the REASON for the SEASON??

My focus today is something we can all relate to, no problem, and that is EMOTIONAL eating.  OMG!!  As soon as William goes through the work calendar and tells me he’s going to be gone Monday to Friday twice next month–all I can think is… DORITOS!!  My go-to comfort food, good buddy, never let me down friend in good times and bad.  Me and Doritos (sigh),  we go way back.

So there are at least a hundred emotions that make us resort to taking comfort in a big bag of deep-fried potato, corn or some form of sweetened batter.  Like…anger, sadness, loneliness, embarrassment, jealousy, joy, boredom, worry, resentment, grief, self-pity, self-celebration, anxiety, fear, and so on and so on.  It happens so fast for me I don’t even have time to register the actual emotion. I was just sitting there and then all of a sudden I had a bag of Doritos in my hand and then all of a sudden it was empty.  So how do we combat this demon and exorcise it once and for all?  Could it be?  Do I have the answer to the age-old emotional eating dilemma?  Of course not people, who am I?  But I do have some experience in this particular realm and so I can tell you what works for me when I feel it coming.  And yes, it may happen fast, but I know it’s coming every time.

SO… to begin with–SLOW DOWN!  WAIT!!  Take a moment to identify the emotion in question and then… just FEEL it. So you’re sad, well BE sad for a minute then.  I mean, sad stuff happens in life.  My friend was dealing with grief, or NOT dealing with grief, and so instead my friend was eating the grief.  Losing someone you love is unbearable sometimes, and it comes in waves, those flashes of memory that take your breath, making you smile and cry all at once.  I think when it comes to grief the best way to deal with it is to REMEMBER.  Don’t push all your memories away in a box like this loved one never existed.  Talk to the person, get up and say, “Hey Ma, I know you’re up there.  Guess what I’ve got going on today? You won’t believe this…”  Tell your kids a story about the person you lost.  Light a candle for em, just seriously, I’m not trying to be cliche, but really, keep them alive in your heart.  And always, always ask the question about any emotion, “Will the food change the situation?” Will the Big Mac bring back my brother, friend, or even my pet?  (Yes people, that can be some serious stuff!)  Will the dozen doughnuts put more money in the bank?  Will the fries and milkshake cure my friend of cancer?  Will the whole cake make my birthday any more special than it is right now?  The answer is always, definitively, and undoubtably NO!  All it changes is how you feel about yourself in 20 minutes.  So again, just FEEL what you’re feeling for a moment.  But then–Get Over It!  I know I know, so easy to say so hard to accomplish…anyways…

Next… I MOVE. I get out of the house and therefore the kitchen, I take my dogs for a walk, get some air, and just keep moving.  Eventually the desire to totally binge eases up and now I think I’ll only eat half the bag of Doritos.  So I keep walking and breathing until I feel that I can look at that bag and tell it…that I don’t need it after all.  You don’t have dogs or a place to walk in those moments you say?  Well, DANCE–#1 cure for all heart-sickness in my humble opinion.  Why not just go do a couple flights of stairs in your building?  Or if you’re working, just work HARDER for a little while.  Again, I don’t have the solution, just my own tactics to offer you.  But your body follows your mind I think so just do something with your body so your mind forgets the foot-long sub in the fridge.

Then… Unload.  Talk someone’s head off!  Surely someone will listen.  If not…journal, blog, put in on facebook, whatever.  Get those emotions OUT–Dump em on someone else!  Not so they can get all depressed or whatever, but chances are if they’re a real friend, they’ll encourage you, uplift you, make you laugh, or give a good ole serving of tough love to help you get it together.  But that’s what we’re here for…to share each other’s lives, good and bad, and help each other out.  You know the famous words, “Keep smilin’, keep shinin’, knowin’ you can always count on me…for sure..that’s what friends are for”

So that’s what I do when I feel an emotional binge coming on.  I apologize to you now if you’ve ever been on the receiving end of my “unloading,” but I also thank you thank you thank you for being a friend and giving me a chance to let it out.  I do battle with food every day.  I know my enemies and they sometimes get me down and wounded, but I am committed to this fight and I will prevail!!  Doritos, you have not seen the last of me yet!!!

So it’s “Hump-Day,” which really came fast.  Many friends are beginning their countdown to New York City–a trip that yes–I was supposed to go on–but backed out on last minute.  Why? you ask, well… it had something to do with money, the cost of the trip itself was a bargain but what about all that stuff I was gonna want and couldn’t afford?  It also had a little something to do with the combination of bedbugs and subways.  These two things should never be experienced on one trip, right?  And of course they will not be an issue, but for me in my overblown imagination, the thoughts of both were enough for me to inquire about getting out of the trip–then before I knew it–my seat was sold and my money was back in hand.  Soo–PiYo training here I come!  As you know, I completed my Turbo Kick certification in September, so in December I will complete training to teach PiYo, a Yoga-Pilates fusion for hyper people.  Sort of like, you do the stuff and get the physical benefits, but skip the whole mind-body fung-shui, zen stuff.

Anyways, this post is entitled “Hump Day Happenings” so here’s what’s up for the day…

1. School–finishing up WWII study with The Diary of Anne Frank and Into the Arms of Strangers

2.  Bake and Ice 52 cupcakes

3. Workout–tried a new TK round but gosh–had NO energy to make it worth it– SO sore from Turbulence Training

4.  Dentist–Jalen had a cleaning and all is well–but looks like we’ll have to, in the good dentist’s words, “get him to ortho early”-YAY!

5.  Finish Social Studies Project–OMG!!  This has been hanging over my head for a month–I mean–Didn’t I get through 5th grade once before?

6.  Church–almost skipped because of the weather–I mean severe thunderstorm warnings and tornadoes are no big deal right?  But William says I’m being dramatic so off we go…

Gosh my energy is so non-existent this week.  Maybe because I started a new workout program and I’m really sore–or maybe because I lost focus completely yesterday and ate a whole bag of cheese balls.  But I just can’t seem to get motivated today.  I guess I’m just stuck on the Hump.

So I went through the feminist thing.  Back in college, being well-versed in all things Victorian literature, particularly Jane Austen–I went through the phase in which I firmly believed I would never let marriage or children or pets or chores hold me back from my goals or define me.  I was ME.  I was a young woman, I had plans, I was all “be free” and “if you got it, flaunt it,” and “don’t be confined to society’s norms,” and all that hear me roar stuff.  Looking back on those sentiments I can’t say I’m a totally different person now, but I can say that having not accomplished some of the things I set out to accomplish back then, and actually becoming the homeschooling mom and wife with all those stupid dogs–I remain neither held back nor defined by any of it.  However, I do completely and unequivocally reject the label, “Housewife.”  Why, you may ask.  Well let me explain…

First of all– “house.”  The one place in the world I love to be but somehow never find myself.  As a mom I find that more and more of the tasks attached to the job take you OUT of the house.  I would love time to just be in my house–relaxing after a good meal with a cup of coffee and a good book– but I find myself more often running up and down the road–yes–sometimes literally–just trying to get everyone where they’re supposed to be–which is rarely–at the house.  Also–a house is just a building.  I prefer to consider our house, a HOME.  A place of comfort, security, love, and fun.  The one place anyone in this family can always enter knowing that someone is glad to see them, happy they’re “home.”  “House” also reminds me of all the chores that still need doing and I really don’t need that hanging over my head thank you very much.

And then the word– WIFE.  ABSOLUTELY I regard my role as wife to be my utmost earthly responsibility.  I want above all other things–yes–even being a good mom–to be a good wife.   If I’m a godly wife then naturally it would only follow that I would also be a good mom.  So I do often consult the good ol’ classic Proverbs 31 and ask myself if I am truly a wife of noble character.  Usually I just close the Bible and say, “Who could do all that anyway??” KIDDING!!  When the good Lord reveals to me my faults through His Word I seek His help in repairing those flaws, which by the way, is daily.  Actually that’s one thing He revealed to me not long ago.  That I am sort of “achievement” minded you might say.  Had it not been for His timing I would never have gotten married as young as I did and become a mother at 21.  But if it weren’t for those blessings– I know for a fact I would’ve spent my life chasing achievements-probably in the form of degrees and while we’re dreaming of what will never be–Pulitzers as well.  So I’m thankful indeed that instead of a Newberry Award or what-not–I have a crown waiting for me in Heaven.

But back to the “housewife” thing.  All I’m saying is that I am neither defined by my residence, nor my relationship to William.  I hate it when in conversations he relays to me that he said, “yeah my wife” this or “my wife just” that.  I’m always like- I DO have a name. And if he’s talking about someone else’s wife I always ask, “What’s her name again?”  Because I know that while she’s such and such’s wife–she’s more than likely a whole lot more.  WIFE–like HUSBAND–encompasses so many characteristics.  Friendship and  loyalty I regard as the two most important.  I would go on and on–and maybe one day I will–but for now I wanted to simply say that I am  more than a wife sitting in a house twiddling her thumbs awaiting the return of her husband.  I’m sure the survey guy on the phone had no idea how the wheels of my mind would start turning when he asked my employment status then said with an audible shrug I swear–”Oh, so you’re  a housewife.”

To Prove it–Here is a List of What I am!!

Wife, Mom, Sister, Friend, Daughter, Dog-lover, Babysitter, Teacher, Blogger, Turbo Kick Instructor, Fitness Fanatic, Cook, lover of Books, Child of God, Sister in Christ, –and in my own mind I am also a singer and a dancer–so THERE!!  Call me what you will–just don’t call me a HOUSEWIFE!!

Who could resist it?? SO MUCH FUN! Join me at the Y in November!!

So here’s my list of things I just can’t accept or get over…

1.  Adolescence– I went through it and I know it was bad, but goodness it comes back with a vengeance.  All those little smart-aleck comments I made, the nonchalance, the hair-flipping, the eye-rolling, spin-around like no one’s talking to you–it’s all back,  but after 20 years they’re all new and improved.

2.  Belly-Bulge–Is this really what I get in return for bringing two beautiful girls into this world?  And of course it’s not enough to have a jelly roll belly–but it’s got to be decorated with an elaborate design of stretch marks.  Thanks.  Thanks a lot.

3.  Adult Acne– I mean, what is the deal with this??  Clear skin all my life aside from the occasional pimple (gross word)–survived the teenage years unscathed by blemishes until NOW.  Turn 30 (or 30-something) and suddenly–full-fledged breakouts.  I mean the get on the Proactiv hotline kind of breakouts.  Again–thanks a lot.

4.  Working out daily–even vigourously–does not allow for unlimited calorie intake. I know the rule–”calories in, calories out.”  I have all the tools, the monitors, the menus, the mantras, etc…but somehow–this concept just does not seem to take full register in my brain.  (refer back to #2)

And seriously…

4.  Children may not hear a word you say to them, but they hear everything you say about them. You just try to find a moment to report to another adult on  the kid’s latest shenanigans and see if you can get one minute of privacy.  They’re like gnomes or something, popping out of nowhere, appearing out of thin air.  Then, of course, you need someone to do a chore and the whole household’s disappeared.  Maybe I just have a houseful of magicians in the making.

5.  Children may not hear a word you say to them, but they hear everything you say to their brother or sister. No one in this house ever knows what I told them to do.  Strangely though, they always know what I told someone else to do.  I’m telling you, these are some talented kids.

6.  Children may not hear a word you say to them, but they’ve got their eyes on every move you make. Enough said, we all know it’s true.  Just wait ’til one day your words and actions don’t exactly “line up,”–you’ll hear about it.

And finally, and really seriously…

7.  It is better to be an encourager, rather than a policeman. Something else that seems so easy to understand, and yet SO HARD to actually apply.  Clearly no one responds well to being beat over the head with constant reminders of their faults or mistakes, but that method seems so much easier than -da da duuum–LEADING BY EXAMPLE! I mean, next thing you know you’ll have to practice what you preach and all that. Gasp!!  In faith, in health, in life–it’s clear that people respond to what they see and not so much what they hear.  So then why do I talk so loud?

I’ve got hearing-impaired magicians running around and me struggling with the greater truths in life… all I know is… William’s got to set a good example or we’re doomed!